gytha x-tie.

i'm writing this at 30,000 feet.  if my wireless interferes with the plane and we crash, it's just as well.  we're still closest to Boston.  they'll take us to the hospital there and i can pretend i was never on a plane at all and mikha will come and hold my hand and dot will eat cereal and watch cartoons with me and i can finally stop crying.  let the plane crash.  god, buddha, krishna, commercialism, let the plane crash.

the little girl in the seat beside me reached over and took my hand when the plane took off.  she handed me a tissue and told me not to be scared.

i'm scared.  i'm so scared.  i don't know how to live without him anymore.  i can't remember.  i can't remember life without mikhail and without dot and without all of the people i hardly know, who i met at a school i'd decided to hate.

i'm so scared they'll forget me.

i'm leaving my ring on, mikha.

and i'm leaving this public because i don't care who knows.